Monday, December 31, 2007
Handling Instructions
*Given the confusion expressed by some of my readers, I have developed a way to help ignorant readers identify sarcasm and sarcastic humor: in the following writings, items of sarcasm will be written in black text, non-sarcastic items will be written in blue.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Safari West
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Moving to Blogadilla
Hey folks. Yes you. All 10 of you who read this blog.
Some friends and I have begun a multi-author blog-zine called Blogadilla.com. I am now doing most of my (non-personal) writing there. You should take a look.
Some friends and I have begun a multi-author blog-zine called Blogadilla.com. I am now doing most of my (non-personal) writing there. You should take a look.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
It's Not Just A Riot, It's Marketing
These are from Special.ee (though the page seems to be down at the moment). Brilliant.
(via Heywood)
(via Heywood)
Labels: jackassery, riot
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Estonia Mayday - May Day in Estonia
Doing a video search for "May Day" (May 1st holiday) and "Estonia" led me to this video - the "mayday" distress call of the "S.S. Estonia" and a video reconstruction of the sinking. Not as heartwarming as a bouquet of flowers.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Bronze Soldier
For those of you unfamiliar with Estonia and what is currently happening, here is a brief overview:
At this very moment, social conflict at a national level has reached a flashpoint in the Baltic nation of Estonia. Below is an explanation about what is going on and here are a few video clips (filmed and posted on YouTube by rioters):
This one is named: "Estonia with full trousers of shit - Welcome to eSStonia" (this was filmed and posted by a Russian rioter):
Here is the short version:
•During WWII Russia invaded and overtook Estonia (twice).
•During the Russian invasion and occupation, the military committed terrible acts against ethnic Estonians (entire villages disappeared); Like many other nations, Estonia became part of the Soviet Union against its will.
•In the Soviet Era, Estonia functioned as the Soviet Union's social "dumping ground" - many "disruptive" Russians were sent to Estonia.
•Estonia became a free nation in 1991, after the collapse of the Soviet Union.
•Many Russians remained in Estonia after its sovereignty; over 25% of the Estonian population is Russian. A greater percentage of the capital city (Tallinn) population is Russian.
•In recent years, Neo-Nazi groups have appeared in Estonia - composed mainly of young Estonian men, often in the military. These groups consider themselves in opposition to the Russians; they are notoriously vocal about Estonian nationalism.
•A Soviet Era memorial (erected in 1947 in downtown Tallinn, Estonia) depicting a Russian WWII soldier has been the center of controversy for several years: Russians revere this monument (it represents the brave soldiers who fought in WWII) and many ethnic Estonians detest it (it represents the Russian armies that invaded Estonia and did horrific things to the Estonian people).
•After a year of protests and demonstrations (by both sides), a few days ago the statue was moved to an undisclosed location (it will eventually be placed in a cemetery).
•With the moving of the monument, social tensions have reached a flashpoint: Russian protests have turned into destructive riots - cars toppled, businesses burned, stores looted (many of these were Russian stores); riot police have used tear gas, flash grenades, and rubber bullets on the rioting crowds.
•Russia is considering sanctions against Estonia (who is dependent upon Russia for certain resources).
What is to come:
•The Estonian government has decided to ban the sale of alcohol (this is a serious drinking country) until May 3 (and May 1 is a major Russian holiday).
•The nightly riots will likely continue for at least the next week.
•There is concern that Neo-Nazi groups will begin taking to the streets, using the riots as an excuse to attack Russians. These jerks have been waiting for an excuse like this.
In my opinion, they should have left the statue were it was, and next to it erect a monument dedicated to the Estonians who suffered at the hands of the Russian soldiers. Everybody wins.
At this very moment, social conflict at a national level has reached a flashpoint in the Baltic nation of Estonia. Below is an explanation about what is going on and here are a few video clips (filmed and posted on YouTube by rioters):
This one is named: "Estonia with full trousers of shit - Welcome to eSStonia" (this was filmed and posted by a Russian rioter):
Here is the short version:
•During WWII Russia invaded and overtook Estonia (twice).
•During the Russian invasion and occupation, the military committed terrible acts against ethnic Estonians (entire villages disappeared); Like many other nations, Estonia became part of the Soviet Union against its will.
•In the Soviet Era, Estonia functioned as the Soviet Union's social "dumping ground" - many "disruptive" Russians were sent to Estonia.
•Estonia became a free nation in 1991, after the collapse of the Soviet Union.
•Many Russians remained in Estonia after its sovereignty; over 25% of the Estonian population is Russian. A greater percentage of the capital city (Tallinn) population is Russian.
•In recent years, Neo-Nazi groups have appeared in Estonia - composed mainly of young Estonian men, often in the military. These groups consider themselves in opposition to the Russians; they are notoriously vocal about Estonian nationalism.
•A Soviet Era memorial (erected in 1947 in downtown Tallinn, Estonia) depicting a Russian WWII soldier has been the center of controversy for several years: Russians revere this monument (it represents the brave soldiers who fought in WWII) and many ethnic Estonians detest it (it represents the Russian armies that invaded Estonia and did horrific things to the Estonian people).
•After a year of protests and demonstrations (by both sides), a few days ago the statue was moved to an undisclosed location (it will eventually be placed in a cemetery).
•With the moving of the monument, social tensions have reached a flashpoint: Russian protests have turned into destructive riots - cars toppled, businesses burned, stores looted (many of these were Russian stores); riot police have used tear gas, flash grenades, and rubber bullets on the rioting crowds.
•Russia is considering sanctions against Estonia (who is dependent upon Russia for certain resources).
What is to come:
•The Estonian government has decided to ban the sale of alcohol (this is a serious drinking country) until May 3 (and May 1 is a major Russian holiday).
•The nightly riots will likely continue for at least the next week.
•There is concern that Neo-Nazi groups will begin taking to the streets, using the riots as an excuse to attack Russians. These jerks have been waiting for an excuse like this.
In my opinion, they should have left the statue were it was, and next to it erect a monument dedicated to the Estonians who suffered at the hands of the Russian soldiers. Everybody wins.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
You Can't Take It With You
EnglishRussia.com has an awesome gallery of Russian mafia tombstone photos from Yekaterinburg City, Russia. Getting an image of your car etched on your tombstone is a nice eternal statement.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Estonian Ground Chicken Commercial
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas
My Estonian father-in-law got in trouble as a child for reciting this poem to Santa Claus (it is a tradition in Estonia to recite a poem, etc. to Santa before he gives you presents):
"Jõuluvana tore mees
pikk on temal habe ees
täid seal sees siputavad
temal habet sikutavad."
English translation (I changed the translation slightly - I wanted it to rhyme):
"Father Christmas is very nice,
a long white beard he wears,
but his beard is teeming with lice,
that tug upon his hairs."
I thought this would make a lovely Christmas card, too.
Merry Christmas
"Jõuluvana tore mees
pikk on temal habe ees
täid seal sees siputavad
temal habet sikutavad."
English translation (I changed the translation slightly - I wanted it to rhyme):
"Father Christmas is very nice,
a long white beard he wears,
but his beard is teeming with lice,
that tug upon his hairs."
I thought this would make a lovely Christmas card, too.
Merry Christmas
Thursday, December 21, 2006
The Yuletide Report - Xmas Maximus
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Weather Update: Who is Cooler
Just so everyone in Estonia doesn't think we're getting away with something here in California:
Tallinn, Estonia:
Daylight: 6hr 14min (loss of 1.5min each day)
High/Low: 5ºC/3ºC (41ºF/37ºF)
Forecast: Rain/Precipitation
Menlo Park, California:
Daylight: 9hr 38min (loss of 30sec each day)
High/Low: 18º/7º (64º/45º)
Forecast: Rain all week
The only major differences: less slush, 3.25hrs more sunlight
Tallinn, Estonia:
Daylight: 6hr 14min (loss of 1.5min each day)
High/Low: 5ºC/3ºC (41ºF/37ºF)
Forecast: Rain/Precipitation
Menlo Park, California:
Daylight: 9hr 38min (loss of 30sec each day)
High/Low: 18º/7º (64º/45º)
Forecast: Rain all week
The only major differences: less slush, 3.25hrs more sunlight
Apocalypto - Redux
This was on Saturday Night Live last night. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out - IT ROCKS! Mel Gibson had this coming.
Nightmare At 30,000 Feet
Monday morning (December 4th) American Airlines flight 1053 left Arlington, Virginia bound for Dallas-Fort Worth.
Passengers noticed an odd smell.
Perhaps another terrorist attack?
Poison gas?
No. And yes.
The plane was forced to make an emergency landing in Nashville. The Transportation Safety Administration, the FBI, bomb-sniffing dogs, and airport authorities evacuated and searched all 99 passengers.
The culprit: a female passenger lit matches to conceal . . . farts.
Yes. Farts.
She cut cheese at 30,000 feet.
She created turbulence inside the aircraft.
She assisted with the takeoff.
Her inflight meal was beef.
She made a tailwind.
She prevented a loss of cabin pressure.
She wanted to see if they really do recirculate the air.
She was doodie-free shopping.
She cropdusted the plane.
She wanted to test the oxygen masks.
She was trying to conceal the smell of the in-flight meal.
"She Who Dealt It" was not permitted to re-board the plane.
Though her name is being withheld (to protect her from millions of fart jokes), our Letters From Estonia forensic artists have provided this reconstruction of the incident, based on eyewitness accounts.
Linkety-link-link-link.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Movie Review: Apocalypto
I've already had enough friends ask me what I though of this movie that I thought I'd just post it:
I saw "Apocalypto" last night - opening night.
Having a B.A., M.A., and a Ph.D. in Anthropology (my specialty being the ancient Maya and ancient Mesoamerica), I guess this puts me in a fair position to be a critic of this film.
I know Mel Gibson was trying to convey a profound message about societal collapse, but Apocalypto came across as an ancient Maya flavored remake of "Rambo: First Blood". Mind you, Apocalypto was a good action movie.
The portrayal of the ancient Maya:
Though Gibson consulted Idaho State University Archaeologist Richard Hansen for the film, his portrayal of ancient Maya culture was about as accurate as the portrayal of ancient Greek culture in "Troy". There was a significant oogey-boogey factor in this film - jungle drums, chanting, dancing around fires, facial piercings, animal bones, and buckets of spear-inflicted gore - which undermined/underestimates the level of cultural sophistication of the ancient Maya. Not that they weren't gorey and didn't like music, but I think Gibson overdid it to make the Maya seem more savage and exotic.
The Cast:
I'm sure it's difficult to find good Maya actors these days, but the casting had me a little dismayed. Very few of the lead roles were played by Maya people. Most of the castmembers suffered from Lou Diamond Phillips Syndrome - appearing racially ambiguous and thus playing the parts of Latinos, Eskimos, Arabs, Plains Indians, Ancient Maya, Portuguese, Basque, Hindus, etc. Gibson could have done the same movie in ancient Egypt and used the exact same actors. Most of the lead actors did not look Maya, but they did a great job with the language (I studied Yucatec Maya for 3 years).
The Gore:
(on a scale of 1 to 5) I give it 4 severed heads. A great movie for young kids.
Here's a petty list of mistakes/annoyances in Apocalypto:
•The Maya did not use blowguns that employed darts (they used blowguns that shot stone or clay pellets).
•The Maya did not pierce their eyebrows or have piercings all the way up their ears (at least, no depiction of this exists in ancient art). Wardrobe didn't do enough homework.
•Jaguars don't growl when they chase prey. They are very quiet animals.
•The Maya kings, queens, and noblemen were dressed in attire from the Classic Period (~300-900AD), yet the architecture, the weapons, and the movie itself were from a period of over five centuries later.
•There was a number of made-up weapons in this movie - weapons that are not depicted (or found) in the archaeological record.
•Tapirs (the big animal hunted in the beginning of the movie) don't squeal like pigs.
I saw "Apocalypto" last night - opening night.
Having a B.A., M.A., and a Ph.D. in Anthropology (my specialty being the ancient Maya and ancient Mesoamerica), I guess this puts me in a fair position to be a critic of this film.
I know Mel Gibson was trying to convey a profound message about societal collapse, but Apocalypto came across as an ancient Maya flavored remake of "Rambo: First Blood". Mind you, Apocalypto was a good action movie.
The portrayal of the ancient Maya:
Though Gibson consulted Idaho State University Archaeologist Richard Hansen for the film, his portrayal of ancient Maya culture was about as accurate as the portrayal of ancient Greek culture in "Troy". There was a significant oogey-boogey factor in this film - jungle drums, chanting, dancing around fires, facial piercings, animal bones, and buckets of spear-inflicted gore - which undermined/underestimates the level of cultural sophistication of the ancient Maya. Not that they weren't gorey and didn't like music, but I think Gibson overdid it to make the Maya seem more savage and exotic.
The Cast:
I'm sure it's difficult to find good Maya actors these days, but the casting had me a little dismayed. Very few of the lead roles were played by Maya people. Most of the castmembers suffered from Lou Diamond Phillips Syndrome - appearing racially ambiguous and thus playing the parts of Latinos, Eskimos, Arabs, Plains Indians, Ancient Maya, Portuguese, Basque, Hindus, etc. Gibson could have done the same movie in ancient Egypt and used the exact same actors. Most of the lead actors did not look Maya, but they did a great job with the language (I studied Yucatec Maya for 3 years).
The Gore:
(on a scale of 1 to 5) I give it 4 severed heads. A great movie for young kids.
Here's a petty list of mistakes/annoyances in Apocalypto:
•The Maya did not use blowguns that employed darts (they used blowguns that shot stone or clay pellets).
•The Maya did not pierce their eyebrows or have piercings all the way up their ears (at least, no depiction of this exists in ancient art). Wardrobe didn't do enough homework.
•Jaguars don't growl when they chase prey. They are very quiet animals.
•The Maya kings, queens, and noblemen were dressed in attire from the Classic Period (~300-900AD), yet the architecture, the weapons, and the movie itself were from a period of over five centuries later.
•There was a number of made-up weapons in this movie - weapons that are not depicted (or found) in the archaeological record.
•Tapirs (the big animal hunted in the beginning of the movie) don't squeal like pigs.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Unazukin - the Dark Secret
I got this for Kristi last week (her birthday). Just watch the video, it will explain it all:
Disko
This reminds me of one of the first things I wrote in this blog.
This guy has disciples in every dance club in Tallinn.
This guy has disciples in every dance club in Tallinn.
WATER!
Last night. Nice restaurant. California cuisine. Kristi's birthday.
The waiter asks, "Water?"
"I'll take a mineral water."
The waiter returns with the house mineral water. It looks like a bottle of department store cologne. Like Calvin Klein is now pimping water. Voss: Artesian Water From Norway. With presentation/pretense like this, one imagines this water came from the distilled sweat of Norway's finest virgins and that it is best served in The Holy Grail.
And do you know what it tasted like? . . . . WATER!
IT TASTED LIKE NORMAL F%$#ING WATER!
It did not redefine my standards of water. It did not heal the sick nor raise the dead. I did not become enlightened.
When the check came . . . it was $6.00 WATER!
I know that everything in Norway is priced like a hotel minibar, but this was a joke, right?
The stupid bottle was probably 98% of the cost.
I just wanted some water with bubbles in it.
When ordering, I did not imagine that a $6.00 cologne bottle of water would be brought to the table.
There are people starving on the streets and 71% of the Earth's surface is covered with water.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving Estonia!
. . . feast your eyes on this awesome turkey that Mom cooked! That warm holiday feeling we all get during this time of year is probably not family or love or "holiday cheer". . . it's probably tryptophan. Last year Kristi and I were in Estonia, celebrating with a few fellow Americans and a wayard German. This year we celebrated Thanksgiving in California, with my family. For those of you who don't know what Thanksgiving is, it's a heinous American holiday that commemorates the defeat of the Native Americans (American Indians) and the European overtake of the land's bounty; until recently, it used to be called "Smallpox Blanket Day" in some areas of the American mid-west.
Every year, we get together with family and friends and eat turkey (they are hard to find in Estonia - they are kind of like a small pony with wings). Then we all lay around in a bloodsugar and tryptophan daze and talk about how fat we feel. This sums-up America in so many ways.
On a related note, check out Worth 1000's "That's Not A Turkey" Photoshop contest.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Just to Rub It In
Hey Everyone in Estonia,
Greetings from California! I was looking at the weather report for Estonia, and boy . . . I wish we were back there right now:
Tallinn, Estonia:
Snow and Sleet
Daytime high 3ºC/37ºF
Nighttime low -3ºC/26ºF
7hr 24mins of daylight (dropping ~5 mins every day)
Menlo Park, California:
Sun and . . . Sun
Daytime high 22ºC/72ºF
Nighttime low 12ºC/53ºF (wore a t-shirt last night)
10hrs 26mins of daylight (dropping ~2 mins every day)
We need to find a way to move the entire nation of Estonia to an island in the Mediterranean. I think it would be a great combination.
Greetings from California! I was looking at the weather report for Estonia, and boy . . . I wish we were back there right now:
Tallinn, Estonia:
Snow and Sleet
Daytime high 3ºC/37ºF
Nighttime low -3ºC/26ºF
7hr 24mins of daylight (dropping ~5 mins every day)
Menlo Park, California:
Sun and . . . Sun
Daytime high 22ºC/72ºF
Nighttime low 12ºC/53ºF (wore a t-shirt last night)
10hrs 26mins of daylight (dropping ~2 mins every day)
We need to find a way to move the entire nation of Estonia to an island in the Mediterranean. I think it would be a great combination.
i wants to make sexy with u
For me, Friendster (and all the other friend networks) got old after the first 2 months. I haven’t looked back since.
My wife still uses them, both to keep in touch with friends and for the sake of morbid entertainment. Here’s why: apparently Estonian women have gotten a reputation for being really hot (not an unfair generalization) - first among Brazilian men, then Italian, then Turkish men, then among Iranians, and now Pakistanis . . . It seems to be a status thing for these guys to have tons of young blonde Estonian women as “friends.” Though my wife’s bio states that she’s married (you assholes), it doesn’t seem to matter to these guys.
Here’s a brief list of some of the pick-up lines she’s been sent (all cut-and-pasted, exactly as the originals); minimally, most are awkward or unintelligible, but some are borderline creepy (I personally like their use of haxor to seem more hip):
•u hv got a very deep eyes.. the more i see u on ur pictures, more i get deeper.. very irresistabele. hey good to know u ... : )) where are u from?
•hi, wants to do friendship with u?
•hi super cooooooooool lady .............how is life dealing with you? hey! nice pics...wanna be your friend. yoou are so dazzling and charming lady
•im ____ ____ from nagpur, want 2 make friends & keep good relationship with friends who so ever they r & what so ever they r thats is nothing else & not 2 worry about THAT ALL ABOUT ME
•it participates of that community against the querra and it invites your friends
•desire a good weekend
•Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu_how r u hottttttt. babie
•hey cuttie , how r ya ? wann n e kinda relationship?
•I want you with my friend . I like knew people of culture to distinguish.
•It is a great pleasure for me you to integrate my group of friends._
•hy..how are you?_could you add me in yours list friends I'm italian? kisses...
*A note to these guys: photos that are “frosted” on the edges or that have dramatic lighting effects and poses are a GREAT IDEA, they say "Hey, I've got style, I'm on top of things in this world: I own a gold chain and I have one enormous eyebrow." Keep up the good work.
Assholes.
My wife still uses them, both to keep in touch with friends and for the sake of morbid entertainment. Here’s why: apparently Estonian women have gotten a reputation for being really hot (not an unfair generalization) - first among Brazilian men, then Italian, then Turkish men, then among Iranians, and now Pakistanis . . . It seems to be a status thing for these guys to have tons of young blonde Estonian women as “friends.” Though my wife’s bio states that she’s married (you assholes), it doesn’t seem to matter to these guys.
Here’s a brief list of some of the pick-up lines she’s been sent (all cut-and-pasted, exactly as the originals); minimally, most are awkward or unintelligible, but some are borderline creepy (I personally like their use of haxor to seem more hip):
•u hv got a very deep eyes.. the more i see u on ur pictures, more i get deeper.. very irresistabele. hey good to know u ... : )) where are u from?
•hi, wants to do friendship with u?
•hi super cooooooooool lady .............how is life dealing with you? hey! nice pics...wanna be your friend. yoou are so dazzling and charming lady
•im ____ ____ from nagpur, want 2 make friends & keep good relationship with friends who so ever they r & what so ever they r thats is nothing else & not 2 worry about THAT ALL ABOUT ME
•it participates of that community against the querra and it invites your friends
•desire a good weekend
•Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu_how r u hottttttt. babie
•hey cuttie , how r ya ? wann n e kinda relationship?
•I want you with my friend . I like knew people of culture to distinguish.
•It is a great pleasure for me you to integrate my group of friends._
•hy..how are you?_could you add me in yours list friends I'm italian? kisses...
*A note to these guys: photos that are “frosted” on the edges or that have dramatic lighting effects and poses are a GREAT IDEA, they say "Hey, I've got style, I'm on top of things in this world: I own a gold chain and I have one enormous eyebrow." Keep up the good work.
Assholes.
