Sunday, December 10, 2006
Nightmare At 30,000 Feet
Monday morning (December 4th) American Airlines flight 1053 left Arlington, Virginia bound for Dallas-Fort Worth.
Passengers noticed an odd smell.
Perhaps another terrorist attack?
Poison gas?
No. And yes.
The plane was forced to make an emergency landing in Nashville. The Transportation Safety Administration, the FBI, bomb-sniffing dogs, and airport authorities evacuated and searched all 99 passengers.
The culprit: a female passenger lit matches to conceal . . . farts.
Yes. Farts.
She cut cheese at 30,000 feet.
She created turbulence inside the aircraft.
She assisted with the takeoff.
Her inflight meal was beef.
She made a tailwind.
She prevented a loss of cabin pressure.
She wanted to see if they really do recirculate the air.
She was doodie-free shopping.
She cropdusted the plane.
She wanted to test the oxygen masks.
She was trying to conceal the smell of the in-flight meal.
"She Who Dealt It" was not permitted to re-board the plane.
Though her name is being withheld (to protect her from millions of fart jokes), our Letters From Estonia forensic artists have provided this reconstruction of the incident, based on eyewitness accounts.
Linkety-link-link-link.
